But valiant Cassander! You would look so much lovelier if you would let noble Hephaistion do your eyeliner for you!


As we all know, Oliver Stone's Alexander was a certified dud at the box office. Studio bosses cut much of the movie - obviously for the gayness of the content (you can see it a mile off.) However, even after all the cuts, the cinematic version still retained much of said gayness, and this - and its butt-numbing two and a half hour long length - was probably the reason for its failure. 

Annoyingly, the director's cut - the version released on DVD - was strangely even shorter than the cinematic version. Did anyone else notice that Bagoas (the Persian eunuch who looked like an extra elf-prince wandered off the set of LOTR) had no lines? Apparently his and Alexander's love scene (!!! *twitch*) was cut by the jumpy studio bosses (thankfully, in this case) leaving him with nothing. Nothing! 


Now, imagine Alexander... and imagine ALL THE GAYNESS IN IT HAD IT NOT BEEN CUT (considerable, no?) 

THAT is what awaits us, people, because recent news has it that Stone is planning on releasing a third cut of the movie - before it was hacked to pieces. This version will be 3 and a half hours long and *fingers crossed* with the original gaynessness shining through.



I am equal parts both disturbed and... ELATED at this news.



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Pity me.